Casual Friday

Casually sitting in my office on Casual Friday

Silent Sunday

I spent this past Sunday morning exploring the Rothko Chapel and Menil Collection

I sat in silence observing Rothko's work. The paintings are all shades of black but my eyes interpreted many of the colors as dark shades of purple. It was a gloomy day and the inside of the chapel was fairly dark. I will return one Sunday when the sun is out to see his paintings in a different light.

I saw the surrealist exhibit at the Menil on the last day that it was on display. Surrealism is interesting though not my favorite.

There was one piece on display there, as part of a modern collection that I thought that I had stood in front of before a few years ago. I talked to one of the museum staff to ask if there was a way to track a painting to see what museums/collections it had been a part of. He informed me that the best way to find this information is to speak directly with the curator.

I looked up the artist today and I believe that the painting I saw Museum of Modern Art in Nice in April of 2011. It reminded me of my day in nice, the view from the top of that museum and renewed my appreciation of modern art.

The Broken Obelisk by Barnett Newman, dedicated to Martin Luther King Jr.

the walk between the chapel and the collection

iron works

expansive branches

the walk

child's play

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff is one of those little books you buy to put in your house maybe under a glass coffee table or maybe on the little shelf in the powder room. This book was at my house before I even understood what it meant to "sweat the small stuff". I never read the book. I have no idea what words are printed on the insides, but I think that the title alone has taught me one of the most impacting lessons of my life.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

It may for most be much easier said than done, but my mother uttered these words to me so many times over the years that it seems natural, just ingrained in my being. It is very easy to focus on the little things in life that get in the way- the little pebbles that work our way into our shoes, the time that I had to go into work at the office on a Saturday morning at 8am (ahem, that is right now). Instead of walking step after step and letting that little pebble dig it's way into your foot, just take off your shoe, dump out the pebble and move on with your travels. I am at work right now, and yes, it is inconvenient to be here on a Saturday morning, but it will lead to a successful delivery of my project and a gold star by name name on the merit board of Corporate America.While it is easy to see the downside of a situation in the moment, it is important to consider the outcome of it all and the overall impact on your life.

I was traveling once when I was twenty and was put into a very uncomfortable situation that upset me quite a bit. I was on a bus traveling between Paris and Barcelona, the bus would then continue down toward Africa. on the bus i had selected my seat and had been immediately asked to switch places with another man because he wanted to recline his chair to sleep. I tried to tell him that I also wanted to recline to sleep and there is no reason why he should get my chair to do so because I had been there first. He didn't speak English and I didn't speak whatever he did, so we were both muddling through this conversation in our respective languages with a few Spanish words, mainly "dormir" were used. I switched seats with him in order to avoid conflict.

Well it turns out that when I switched seats I was now placed in front of an angry man, who I assume, was on his way home to Africa. He was seated in an empty row as was I, with my backpack next to me. He then decided that he wanted to sit in my seat, and when I wouldn't move began to grunt and me and try to push me into the next seat. He too did not speak English, therefore this situation become very strange, very uncomfortable and very public. 

Finally an Australian guy pulled the man away and allowed me to get my things and move. Needless to say I was very mad and very confused and never wanted to ride on a bus again. 

I pulled out my journal and begin to write about what a terrible situation this was and how I was so upset and then finally my words turned around and I somehow started writing about this idea of "5 minutes for trivial matters". 5 minutes for trivial matters was the concept that if something negative happened in my life that I would allow myself to be upset and reflect on the incident for five minutes. If i decided that it was not going to really change anything about my life, that I would let it go and move on. I thought this was such a good idea. I recalled the whole situation on the bus while sitting behind the man and decided that while it was an upsetting event, my life wasn't worse in the long run. 

I thought it was such a clever concept, this 5 minutes... until later it hit me. All I had done was rename the book my mom had lying around. My mom and her words had been with me the whole time. 

What is the Small Stuff?

Throughout the years my mom had always told me about the small stuff. To me that means every day antics, the little things in passing. In March of 2012 when I was interviewing for my first big girl jobs I was left with 3 opportunities for work. I had a list of reasons for taking or leaving each that I continually ran through over and over in making this decision. I called my dad in a whirlwind of emotion rambling on my thoughts of these pros and cons. 

My dad said something along the lines of,  "Julie, calm down. This is only your first job. It is not forever. It could be six months or a few years. That is up to you. Just choose what you think is best. Don't sweat the small stuff."

This put it all into perspective- the small stuff and life.

The Fountain of Youth

The pursuit of eternal or even extended youth has existed, for what I imagine to be, all of time. Resorting to potions and sorcery and surgeries and remarriages, humans have always sought youth in a variety of ways. I am not sure if this youthful desire stems from regret of appreciation of this simplistic stage of life that one can only reflect on after they have surpassed this point in life, or if it is a societal value impressed upon us by each other.  

I do not think that the search is unwarranted. I think this venture is natural and unavoidable, regardless of when or what inspires the hunt. I do think though, that many have pursued this venture for youth in every wrong way. This idea of youth, or at least what I perceive is the American idea of youth is ungodly superficial. Superficial youth is temporary. Fleeting. You can get botox injections and you can divorce your spouse in pursuit of younger meat, but the wrinkles will return and your new mate will too soon meet the mistress of old age. It is the same way we construct new buildings here. We build new beautiful towers; bask in awe of their new sharp corners and reflective features. Soon the edges begin to weather and their ardent shine diminishes. What becomes of this establishment we have built with faithful eye? We destroy it, for it is not young. It is not beautiful. It does not fit our twisted perception of youth, though only its beauty has but changed.  

We have been searching for is a physical, tangible, fountain of youth; Not physically a fountain, but a physical means of youth the fountain of lore promises. What we are missing is the intangible value of you, that which I believe is everlasting. Youth is vigor, freshness, and immaturity. These feelings at any age can transport you.  

The Fountain of Youth is real and I have found it. I have found it many times and I am still young. I am confident that as I age I will continue to find this fountain in the most unexpected places. 

Today Caroline sent me a link with the picture of the fountain above. This fountain is in the parks of the Schloss Schönbrunn in Vienna, Austria. I knew the fountain immediately. I know right now if I were to board a plane and land in Vienna which trains I would take to the entrance of the palace and which route I would walk through the gardens to arrive at this very fountain. I have visited this place when I was very young and I have visited this place many times in my early twenties. It was one of my favorite spots in Vienna and a select location to take guests.

This picture made me smile. It took me directly back to some of the most enjoyable times in my past. I have seen this fountain in warm sunny weather and on cold grey days. Each of them I loved. I look at this picture and recall the many times I have passed that fountain. The first time and the last time are equally imprinted upon my mind. Visiting this first spot truly in my youth at 9 years old and most recently at 22, it has an impressive impact on me. When I see this view of water and trimmed trees, I am transported to a time in the past, where I am younger, and happy and carefree. It is not a question of how old I was or whether I actually had a load of worries or work to do when I was in this spot, what I recall is the enjoyable times of the past, that which triggers the identification of youth.

It is the same feeling I get when I see  mountains, rivers, picture of siblings as children, of grandkids sitting in their grandparents lap, of backyard play sets. It is the same way I feel when I see an older Audi A4 when it drives past. It is a feeling I get when I talk to old friends about our times in elementary just the same as it is the feeling I get when I talk to friends about the things we did just a year ago. It is a feeling you see in older people when they talk about “when I was your age”. That is youth, and that is beauty. It is the memories and the associations and the feelings of unfiltered fear and joy and learning the what to make of each, of loving and living and exploring what is in between and it all keeps building and building and building

Stop stomping through the woods, tearing down brush and trampling the flowers in search of the fountain promising this eternal youth. Stop overlooking others on the cobblestone path as you march forward to the center of the city looking for a fountain from which to wet your old dry mouth. Stop staring longingly into the past contemplating how you would change your thoughts and actions and situations in those old moments, for they are set in stone.

Walk now, through those same woods, in adoration of those who walk with you. Do not see the tree limbs as branches blocking your course. Climb up the tree and swing from the branches. Hang up-side down and see the world in a different way. Examine the cobblestones as you walk. Wonder where they came from, how long they have been there and who else enacted these same wandering paces before you. In this moment, appreciate it. The present creates your youth and the memories that allow you to access it. Do not let each moment pass you without an ounce of appreciation for the fact that it is happening. Youth was a time of naivety combined with unlimited learning potential, continual exploration and simple bliss.

So what has changed for you over time? Nothing . This youth is eternal. This internal youth will never cease. You are forever naïve, forever learning, always exploring and unexpectedly surprised-  if you let yourself be.

The Vastness of the Universe and the Gravity of Experiential Ties

Sometimes when talking to others, whether close friends or acquaintances, you both discover that you were previously in the same place at the same time. Or maybe you were in the same place at different times, but the novelty of this place and the fact that you have both been there draws a certain spark between the two of you. Nothing in the present has changed, but it seems that there is a slight alteration in your past or in your relationship with that person. 

Last November I was working in Philadelphia and on the night of the presidential election was eating at the Marriott bar. I was easily the youngest person there by 20 years. I sat near the corner of the bar and ordered an arugula salad and a bowl of French onion soup.

Half of my soup had disappeared when a man sat down next to me with his friend to his left. He was likely in his mid 50s. After they had been there for awhile he asked me politely if I knew if there was a Best Buy near. I told him that I wasn’t from the area, but that I would Google it for him. This wasn’t a sarcastic “let me Google that for you” as he had an accent and I figured his phone may not have network access. 

There was no Best Buy near. He let me know that he and his friend were in town from the Netherlands for an electronics convention and wanted to purchase a few tablets because they were less expensive in the states. I told him that I worked in tech and he inquired further. It turns out that he had worked for years as a project manager implementing SAP projects around Europe and his specialization was materials management. Small world, I implement (or try to) SAP also with a specialization in materials management.

We then moved on to discuss the fact that I had studied for a semester in Austria and he said he has spent some time there while managing a project just outside of the city. He began to tell me about his favorite little restaurant and heuriger near the center of the city. I finished his sentence with “Zwolf Apostelkeller” and proceeded to list the reasons why that too was my favorite restaurant in Vienna. This restaurant is very old but very unassuming. 

It was getting late by this point and I left back to my own hotel. As I walked back I had such a strange feeling of community and commonality with this foreign man who was much my senior. I couldn’t help but think of how many people in the world we are meant to meet and never do. I supposed if we are meant to meet them we do, but then there are those that would be so worthy for us to meet yet we are never introduced by fate.

I like to think of these things but am not so much as bothered by them. Which brings me to my closing thought. A quote in which I find comfort and consolation:

“Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think you've lost time. There is no short-cutting to life. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time.”
― Asha Tyson